How Fire, Grief, and Joy Taught Me to Live on My Own Terms
I wanted to take a moment to share something a bit more personal with you today. As we get to know each other better here, I think it's important to share not just what I create or what I'm thinking about professionally, but also a little bit about the person behind the screen.
The last five years of my life have been... well, they've been a rollercoaster doesn't quite cut it. They've been a test, a transformation, and ultimately, the forge where my biggest life lesson was hammered out.
Thinking back to roughly five years ago, things felt like they were moving forward in exciting, seemingly normal ways. We bought our first home – a huge milestone that felt like planting roots and building a future. It was a foundation, literally and figuratively.
Then, the world shifted. The pandemic hit, and like everyone, we navigated the uncertainty, the isolation, the collective anxiety. It was a challenging time for reasons we all understand.
But for me, the challenges were just beginning to escalate in ways I never could have imagined.
Just three months before my wedding, life changed in a terrifying instant. A kitchen fire resulted in third-degree burns covering parts of my face, hand, and my only leg. The physical pain was immense, the recovery daunting, and the timing felt unbelievably cruel. Instead of focusing on wedding details, my days were filled with wound care, doctor's appointments, and the raw, exhausting process of healing. The emotional toll of facing such a severe injury, and the fear and uncertainty it brought, was profound.
Yet, somehow, amidst the bandages and the pain, we still got married. That day was a powerful declaration of love and resilience, a moment of light and commitment in what felt like a very dark tunnel. It wasn't the wedding we'd planned in every detail, but it was perfect in its own, hard-won way.
The intense highs and lows didn't stop there. Just months after marrying the love of my life, I held my dad's hand as he took his last breath. Losing a parent is a unique kind of grief, a foundational loss that shakes your world in a different way. Experiencing such profound joy and such deep sorrow in such close proximity was disorienting and heartbreaking.
Navigating these intense, life-altering events – a major injury, a pandemic, getting married, losing my dad – all within a relatively short period, forced me to look at life, and myself, with unflinching honesty.
And the biggest lesson I learned from it all?
It's the power and necessity of saying yes to more of what I truly want and understanding I can say no to things I don't.
Before these years, I think I often lived life by default, or by what I felt I should do. I said yes out of obligation, out of a desire to please, out of a fear of missing out, or simply because it seemed easier than saying no. I sometimes put my own needs and desires last.
Going through the fire, the recovery, the grief, the sheer unpredictability of it all, stripped away a lot of that. When you face your own vulnerability and mortality so directly, when you experience the sharp pain of loss, it becomes crystal clear how precious and finite your time and energy are.
I learned that:
Saying Yes to what I want isn't selfish; it's essential. It means saying yes to rest when I need it, yes to pursuing things that light me up, yes to spending time with people who nourish my soul, yes to setting boundaries that protect my peace, yes to healing – physical and emotional – as a priority.
Saying No to what I don't want isn't rude; it's self-preservation. It means saying no to draining obligations, no to commitments that don't align with my values or capacity, no to letting fear dictate my choices, no to people-pleasing at the expense of my well-being.
This shift in perspective has been revolutionary. It's an ongoing practice, but it has fundamentally changed how I approach decisions, relationships, and even my work. It's about living more intentionally, honoring my energy, and building a life that feels truly authentic to me, especially after navigating such intense storms.
Sharing this isn't easy, but I wanted to open up about the journey that brought me to this important realization. It's a big part of who I am today and shapes how I move forward.
Thank you for being here and for allowing me to share a piece of my story with you.
What's one big lesson life has taught you lately? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments below.
